Parenting is best learned through discomfort
And a Raspberry-Apple crumble we almost didn't eat.
Raise your hand if you’ve ever felt embarrassed by your kids!
My kids are very energetic, sometimes wild and not always well behaved. They can be the most adorable, reading quietly in a corner for 30 minutes but can also turn into the worst mischievous children pushing every possible boundary. They are 2 and a half and 4 and half for extra context.
A Dinner Fiasco:
We were invited to dinner by our newish friends, who just became parents of two. The kind of friends you naturally click with but still want to make a good impression on.
While the first part of the evening went great, kids were busy doing crafts and playing with the dads while us moms were cooking, sipping our beers, and cuddling the baby. It slowly deteriorated into something totally out of control, and all of us, guests and hosts, felt like the dinner had to end quickly for the sake of everyone’s sanity.
My children did everything you hope yours never will:
My son did not eat a bite of the wonderful home-cooked meal and said that the food was not good out loud (omg!!)
They both got up from the table to play countless times and ended up feeding themselves on crackers and cheese from the appetizer platter.
Started playing with the water dispenser from the fridge, creating a big puddle in the kitchen.
My daughter decided to take a bite into several apples from the nice bowl on the countertop.
Then started banging on the window (What?Why?How? I swear they never did that before)
Thankfully we intercepted a permanent marker just in time.
All while I was trying my best to clean the couscous crumbled off the floor and discipline them the best I could, as they were absolutely not listening to me. Yes, I was mortified, but deep inside, I also wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the scene.
It took me many social situations to realize how much effort it takes to guide them toward doing things ‘right. Being polite, sitting at the table for the whole meal (according to their age they can only last 10 to 15 minutes), being gentle, sharing and taking turns, no screaming, no this, no that... Even just monitoring the basics is a lot of work if you also want to have 10 minutes of peace to relax and have a chat with your friend.
One of the things that has truly freed me as a parent recently is learning to let go of judgment, towards others and towards myself. It’s never fun when it’s your kid that is setting the bad example, but the truth is, there will always be kids acting better or worse than yours, depending on the day and the situation. It all comes and goes. So many little things can throw everything off (especially at this age), and we all have our own anxieties, rules, and expectations as parents. We will be navigating those differences, and learning from them, for the rest of our lives.
Nonetheless, it’s through these uncomfortable situations that I can work on my parenting, and this starts in my own home. That night left me reflecting, not just on their behavior, but on my own expectations.
Next Time, I’ll Be Smarter.
You live and learn. Sometimes I have high expectations for my kids, but I don’t always set them up for success. That dinner happened the day after Halloween, after a morning birthday party, way too much sugar, and no nap. The perfect cocktail for a catastrophic evening. So I reflected on how I could help them, beyond just working on good manners.
My New Rules:
Setup clear expectations. It had never crossed my mind, until that day, to clearly explain what I expected before visiting someone else’s house, though it makes perfect sense. How are they supposed to know what they can and cannot do if I don’t tell them?
Attend only one social thing per day (one birthday, one lunch, one dinner, or one friends hangout).
Limit sugar intake if you don’t want to risk them going wild.
Make sure they are well rested, hydrated, and not “hangry” before arriving somewhere.
Trust your instincts and just cancel, even last minute if you think that they are too tired/ high wired and you fear it will be unpleasant for everyone. Or consider splitting teams and attend solo with one child. I went for it recently and it was the right move.
Additional Resources:
Parenting keeps humbling me, but it’s also teaching me to meet the chaos with a sense of humor. Is parenting going to be a big work in progress, forever? Yes. Here are some articles I read on the topic:
Kids table manners: Some advice straight from UK
Teach your child how to behave when visiting other people’s homes: “Avoid collateral damage”
My house, my rules: Interesting perspective ”The issue isn’t the kids and their personalities, birth order, or needs. Kids are kids, right? The problem is when my friend would come over, bring her kids, and let them do whatever they wanted.”
And if you missed it, here is a post I wrote about hosting with small kids:
Feel free to share your most embarrassing moments. I am here for you and completely judgment-free.
A Raspberry-Apple Crumble
This is the crumble we brought that night to our friend’s house. We almost didn’t get to eat it, but I’m glad we had a few bites before taking our “tornados” back home because it was my first time making it and I’ll make it again. It’s inspired by a French recipe.
Ingredients:
150g unsalted butter
150 g flour
100 g white sugar
5 apples (I used green apples but you can use any kind)
1 bag frozen mixed berries (1 pound) I used only raspberries but any berries works.
30 g brown sugar
Recipe:
Preheat the oven to 400°F
Peel the apples and cut them into large pieces. Place the berries in a strainer and set aside.
In a mixing bowl, combine the flour, sugar, and almond flour. Add the butter cut into small pieces. Using your fingers, crumble the mixture until it resembles coarse crumbs (don’t make it too fine, or it will lose its crunch).
Arrange the apples in a baking dish, then evenly distribute the berries over them. Sprinkle with the rest of butter, brown sugar, and cinnamon. Spread the crumble mixture on top, covering the fruit completely. Sprinkle again lightly with brown sugar and cinnamon.
Bake for about 30 to 40 minutes. Keep an eye on and extend time as needed, it should be nicely browned (even if it looks a bit burnt in spots)
Enjoy cold or warm with some heavy cream or greek yogurt on the side.
This last month has been a wild blur of things to do, places to be, people to see, and sugar to eat. I cannot wait for a soft and cosy winter weekend, my favorite. When the kids are perfectly happy scooting around the block, making a puzzle, eating toast with jam while listening to music and just being with us.
I hope you also get to cancel a bunch of planned things and enjoy some well deserved time-off.
Much Love,
xxx
Marina
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Definitely learnt the only one social thing a day the hard way... Or only one successful social outing a day haha